Where are you from….originally?

Growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area is a unique experience because even though it is technically America, it can often feel like Asia with the masses of Asian people that have colonized here in the last half-century. I was born in Taiwan and came to the US at the age of 8, so for a long time I always introduced myself as “Ted from Taiwan.” It felt efficient to do that sometimes because the (mostly Asian) people I met would often ask you where you’re from anyway. In recent years, though, I have shifted to introducing myself as “Ted from San Jose,” since I have been living in the Bay Area for far longer than I did in Taiwan.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love Taiwan and would even consider living there if the right opportunity presents itself, but by and large, San Jose feels more like home to me. I never noticed it, but people generally did not ask about my family of origin when I started introducing myself as Ted from San Jose. Sometimes it came up in conversation, but most of the time people don’t stop and ask you about where you’re REALLY from…which is why the question caught me off guard when I was on vacation earlier this month in LA.

I had decided to take a quick trip to LA to play and watch some volleyball, and met Derek* through another friend on vacation there at the same time, for the same reason. I introduced myself as Ted from San Jose, and Derek asked, “No, where are you from…originally?” I cringed inside and at that moment, wished that I were born in the US solely for the reason that I wanted to see his reaction when I told him I was actually FROM San Jose. I didn’t realize I had developed such a strong aversion to that question, it’s been so long since I’ve been asked that. (Derek’s Caucasian, from New Jersey, and probably in his 30s.)

In stark contrast to Derek was Aaron, who I met at the Airbnb place I was staying at. Aaron was a 21-year-old from West Virginia who “speaks redneck” and had never been to California before (and yes, also Caucasian). Somehow it came up that I spoke Chinese, and the conversation went something like this:

Aaron: Whoa, you speak Chinese?
Me: Yeah, I’m Chinese.
Aaron: I didn’t know that.
Me: What did you think I was?
Aaron: American.

I was truly impressed that a self-proclaimed redneck from West Virginia was so culturally sensitive. Or, maybe he just didn’t know any better…either way, I appreciated that he didn’t assume I wasn’t from here just because my skin’s a different color.

The whole incident reminded me of Ken Tanaka’s Youtube video (embedded below for your viewing pleasure). It’s humorous because it’s an exaggeration and illustrates a point, but what if the Caucasian guy was just curious and wanted to know more about the Asian woman’s heritage? Similarly, what if Derek just wanted to know more about my ethnic background? When is it okay to ask about somebody’s ethnicity and how do you go about doing that? 

I don’t have all the answers, but here’s my take: the problem with the “where are you from, originally” question is that it assumes the askee is not from here (and, by implication, the asker is). Given that America was started by immigrants, it’s a problematic and likely faulty assumption. Having said that, it’s fine to ask people where they’re from, just don’t add the “originally.” A better question to ask might be, “Where did you grow up?” On the other hand, if what you’re really looking for is the person’s ethnicity, then just ask that.

*Names have not been changed to protect the innocent