“Seriously, Ted?”

This is super nerdy, but I’m pretty excited that I registered the domain name for this blog last week. Not only that, but I also changed my Twitter and Instagram handles to @seriouslyted when I realized they were available.

So, why “seriously Ted?” I think it accurately reflects how some friends have responded to my opinions and rants, many of which are documented on this blog. You see, one of my core values is honesty, and sometimes being too honest gets me into trouble. 

I’m reminded of this talk by New Yorker humor columnist Andy Borowitz, when he said something like, “In this age of political correctness we are so concerned with couching everything we say that sometimes, the funniest thing can often be the bare, naked truth.” At the end of the talk there was a Q&A where a woman from the audience started asking this super long-winded question, and Andy interjected during a pause to say, “Nobody cares, but go on.” I laughed out loud since it was exactly what I was thinking, but didn’t think it would be polite to say.

So…how honest should I be on this blog? In real life? On my Yelp reviews?

Exactly ten years ago today I was at my friend Michael’s* outdoor wedding in the Bay Area. While it’s hard to beat Bay Area weather in general, everyone knows that the temperature drops by quite a bit at night regardless the season. Unfortunately, that meant it was pretty cold after the sun set, and the venue only had ONE working heat lamp. I was annoyed and subsequently wrote a Yelp review for the venue stating that, and in the heat of the moment added on, “I would never have my wedding here.”

A short time after that Michael called me and said, “Hey…so I read your Yelp review.” My heart dropped to my stomach as I immediately knew I had crossed a line, even though it was the truth. So I took down my review and apologized to both Michael and his wife. Fortunately they were both gracious and we have remained friends.

I wish I could say that was the last time I offended somebody with my honesty, but alas, I am human, opinionated, and love expressing those opinions (case in point: this blog). Nowadays I have to remind myself that love is just as important as honesty/truth, just like how the Apostle Paul told the Ephesians to “speak the truth in love.” I don’t think that has changed my general life philosophy to lean into honesty as much as possible (case in point: this blog), but I am holding back a bit more when my unadulterated truth has the potential to hurt or offend others.

It is funny, though, when friends pick up on that, as Carol** has done before:

Her: How’d you like x?
Me: It was okay.
Her: You thought it was crap, didn’t you?
Me: (laughs and avoids the question)***

And then there’s the other end of the spectrum, where I can’t trust anything somebody says because everything is hunky-dory. I kind of got into it with this friend because we’d talk about our dating lives, and whenever I asked him how he liked his date he’d say, “She’s cool.” Finally I was like, “Look, stop wasting my time because that tells me nothing.” To his credit, since then he has gotten way better at articulating how he actually feels about his dates. (*Pats self on back*)

In that vein, I want to encourage all of us to be more honest with the people in our lives. Yes, it’s important to exercise wisdom since truth without love can hurt or offend others, but in general it feels like the current culture is on the opposite end of that spectrum, especially with our Facebook and Instagram posts broadcasting to the world how awesome our lives are.

More specifically, I think it starts with being honest about ourselves. How are you really doing? What are you really thinking? I’ve shared a bit of both on this blog, but obviously I have to hold back a bit since I don’t want to have to redact or take down anything I’ve written after the fact. I’m happy to share in person, though, if people are actually serious about wanting to know or reciprocating in kind. Seriously. 😉

Caption: Michael’s* wedding 10 years ago…happy anniversary guys!

* Michael: not his real name
** Carol: not her real name, and mentioned here previously
*** To be fair, sometimes things *are* “just okay,” but usually there are juicy details behind what that actually means. 🙂