Let the Judging Begin

As I’ve written about before, it’s been super fun playing board games online with friends while sheltering-in-place. Not only does it meet my need for social connection, it’s also been a good source of fun and stress relief after a busy day.

The only problem is that it can often have the opposite effect while playing my favorite game du jour — Hanabi. In my last “J is for Judgey” post, I said that I had been teaching a lot of friends how to play Hanabi, usually by telling them how the move they just made was sub-optimal, and how they should have done something else instead.

Well, the tables have turned, as there are a couple friends I play with now that do the same with me, and let me tell you, it’s stressful knowing your every move will be judged. Don’t get me wrong — I still enjoy it (mostly 😂), but it’s been enlightening to get a taste of my own medicine (don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, right?).

For one thing, it’s been interesting to realize how friends perceive my so-called “judgeyness.” For example, I found out that my friend Charlene was hesitant about cutting my hair because “I judge,” or whatever. This was after I tried to reassure her that I didn’t care about my hair, how it couldn’t possibly be worse than looking like a homeless person after 3 months of not getting a haircut, and plus it’s just hair and will grow back. (Also — the haircut took place outside, after I had tested negative for Covid.)

I don’t know about you, but have you ever had the experience of saying what you believed to be true, and discovering afterwards that wasn’t actually what you believed?

As it turns out, I was a lot more vain than I thought — I did care what my haircut looked like. While it was 100% better than looking like a caveman, I was not used to having longer hair on top (which was how Charlene normally cuts her husband’s hair). I thought I would be okay with it after a shower and using some hair gel, but no…I was still having panic attacks every time I caught myself in the mirror. It kind of reminded me of the time I almost canceled a weekend trip to Amsterdam because my haircut didn’t turn out the way I expected (I was in Brussels for a summer internship).

In any case, a friend was able to stop by the next day and trim some more hair off the top, so crisis averted. 🙃

To be clear, I’m super grateful that Charlene offered to cut my hair at all (she was the only friend who had offered to do so). I’m also confident that if she were to cut my hair again (which I’m totally fine with, since it’s just hair, and I don’t really care about my hair it grows back), it’d turn out better the second time. Hopefully I’m not as judgey the second time either, but even if I were, rest assured that I know how it feels.