How to give good recommendations

I love asking friends for recommendations on pretty much anything — books, podcasts, restaurants, recipes, movies, you name it. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t so I can judge my friends by these recommendations, although it can be an unintended consequence. My goal is just to know my friends better — specifically, whether they have good taste (in which case I will value their recommendations more), and if not, how they’re different than me and what I can learn from them.

The first point is a no-brainer, right? A friend recently invited me to be a part of a literary society where people talk about books they love (and hate). “Because have you had that experience where someone raves about a book and then you read it and it kinda sucks? I was hoping this way it would be easier to tell a person’s taste in books.”

“Yeah…it’s kinda like when somebody says they like white meat chicken and you’re like, what’s wrong with you?” I totally got where my friend was coming from.

Obviously, I fully recognize that everybody is entitled to their opinions, no matter how wrong they may be. And even if I don’t agree with somebody else’s opinion/recommendation, I can respect it if:

1. they’re able to articulate why, and
2. they’re specific about their opinion/recommendation.

To be honest I’m surprised at how poor people are at #1 in general, since it feels like an important skill to have as an adult. I’m also not saying that you need to provide reasons for every preference or recommendation you have…I just like asking people why so I can learn more about their thought processes. Often they’ll help me understand another point of view I hadn’t considered.

On #2: a few weeks ago I asked my friend Malik what he was reading, and he said, “Born a Crime by Trevor Noah…it’s fantastic! I’ve been listening to it on audiobook.”

“Oh cool,” I said, “Will try checking out the book at the library.”

“I don’t know if I would have enjoyed it as much if I read it. Trevor Noah does all the voice acting and it’s perfect.”

I was skeptical, but I love that Malik was specific about his recommendation — don’t read it, listen to it on audiobook instead. It’s like — don’t recommend a restaurant to me, tell me what I should order at the restaurant.

This past weekend I started listening to Born a Crime, and…Malik was right. It is so good, I can’t imagine NOT listening to it on audiobook. Granted, we didn’t talk about why he liked it, but I had some basic level of trust in him based on our friendship and past conversations (partially offset by playing Avalon/Werewolf with him). In any case, let me try to articulate why I’ve been so enamored with the book.

Born a Crime is a compelling personal narrative of how the Daily Show host overcame hardships growing up in South Africa. It’s hilarious, educational, moving, inspiring, and powerful all at the same time. I have no idea how he remembered so many details and stories from his childhood, but it’s incredible how he weaved it all together so cohesively. On top of that, his description of apartheid and racism in South Africa feels particularly relevant now in the wake of George Floyd’s death and the recent Black Lives Matter protests.

Subsequent to Malik telling me about the book, I’ve spoken to 3 other friends who all thought Born a Crime was excellent. It’s funny because none of us really went into why we liked it. In the end, though, I wonder if that’s actually the most important part of giving a good recommendation — having good-enough taste to know when something is worth recommending without explaining why.

Don’t get me wrong — I always appreciate a specific, well-articulated recommendation…but sometimes, when you know, you know.

(Also…if you don’t like this book, I’d be really curious as to know why, and what books you prefer reading instead.)

Next blog post: Why a cordless Dyson vacuum will change your life