How to give good gifts

“I hate gift-giving,” Jim* declared.

I laughed, a bit surprised. “Why? Who doesn’t like gifts?”

“I mean, I appreciate the thought…but it’s just awkward if it’s not something I like, or the version I wanted, or if it’s a lot more expensive than what I got for them.” Jim went on to tell the story of how a friend got him a bakeware set* when he became interested in baking a few years back. I guess his friend didn’t know that Jim researches the heck out of something before buying it, because he didn’t get Jim the correct bakeware set. So to this day Jim owns two sets of bakeware: one for when his friend is over, and one for when his friend isn’t there.

Of course I thought that was hilarious, and since I happen to be a gift-giving savant I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to share my list of what makes good gifts:

1. Card with a personalized message. Handwritten cards feel like a lost art…I always enjoy receiving and writing a meaningful card, and in most cases would prefer this over an actual gift.
2. Consumables. For my most recent birthday a friend got me a basket of snacks and drinks, which I thought was both thoughtful and delicious (well, everything but the banana bread beer). In a similar vein, last year a friend got me a gift card to a highly rated dessert restaurant, which was doubly awesome because I hadn’t been there before.
3. Framed photo or photo book. This is probably for significant others or closer friends because it can be pretty labor intensive to make a photo book. (Also, I haven’t printed out a photo in years.)
4. Experiences, which can cover anything from a massage to a concert ticket to sky diving (for when we’re out of this pandemic).
5. Gift cards. This is a gift of last resort if I’m really out of time and ideas, but it’s hard to go wrong with an Amazon or Whole Foods gift card.
6. Apple products.

On #6, yes I’m a little biased, but I wanted to expound a bit on which life-changing Apple products I’ve gifted this year and why. Maybe more important than the gift itself is this revolutionary concept: notice what your friends are sharing about their lives. As illustrated in the examples below, you’ll often be able to give good gifts just by paying attention and taking action on what your friends talk about.

1. I forgot how this came up, but somehow my friend Steve mentioned he had an old Apple TV and that he wasn’t able to install apps on it for his son. I promptly ordered one for his family and it arrived the next day with free shipping. Probably the most excited person to get that gift was his son Benjamin.
2. Chiawen and I have had a tradition of exchanging Christmas gifts since high school, and to be honest it’s become pretty difficult to figure out what to get him. I had thought about getting him a Magic Keyboard ever since he got a 13″ iPad Pro last Christmas, but from previous conversations it seemed like he preferred a more protective cover. Recently, though, he expressed interest in one since he saw how useful mine was, so I went ahead and bought it for him…needless to say he was very happy with it. (I don’t make it a habit to buy $300 gifts for my friends, but Chiawen and I have been good friends for a long time, and it wasn’t a big deal to me.)
3. As part of Jim’s diatribe on gift-giving, he told me how he let all of his friends know not to ever get him any gifts (handwritten cards being the only exception). However, he had also shared earlier that he was looking for a new Apple Watch band since his was getting worn out. I have to confess that it gave me some amount of joy to get him something that he simultaneously hated (a gift) and wanted (a new Apple Watch band). On the off chance that he didn’t love the band, though, I told him he should feel free to exchange or return the band should he prefer another color or another item entirely.

Having said all of that, this seems like a good time to make the obvious disclaimer that gifts are by no means a requirement for friendship. Also, I was half-kidding about being a gift-giving savant…I, too, struggle with figuring out what gifts to get my friends. More often than not I just end up organizing a get-together or writing a thoughtful note, which is my version of a good gift. Maybe it’s something else for you, as we’re all wired differently and have different love languages. If it’s one thing I’ve learned in 2020 and the Age of Covid, it’s how much I cherish my friends and just being with them. Gifts are but one way to communicate that…go figure out what works for you.

* Details have been changed to protect the innocent