The nicest people

“Mormons are the nicest people,” I said as we passed the local Mormon temple.

“I hate it when people say stuff like that…‘they’re the nicest people,’ ‘they’re the worst,’ etc.” Malik said. We had driven down to San Diego over a long weekend, and had spent a lot of time in the car together.

“Why?” I asked, a bit taken aback.

“Because you haven’t met everybody…so it’s factually incorrect to say that they are the nicest people. I know a lot of people say stuff like that and it’s just an expression, but it still bugs me.”

“It’s interesting that you are so particular about language, since I’m like that too. I just thought that was the quickest way to convey what I’m trying to say.”

“I think there’s a more accurate and efficient way to say it.”

“Oh, like how?”

“‘They’re nice people.’”

“I don’t think that conveys what I’m trying to say: that they’re nicer than other people groups.”

“What about, ‘they’re very nice people?’”

I paused to consider Malik’s suggestion. “No, I don’t think that has the same meaning as what I’m trying to say.”

“It’s fine,” Malik said, “I was just commenting since it’s something everybody does…it doesn’t really bother me.”

“Wait,” I said, a bit confused, “you said you hate it when people do that?”

“Ah well, see, I do it too.” (Malik clarified afterwards that while he also used hyperbole to make a point, his statement wasn’t “objectively wrong.”)

We continued the discussion later at dinner, and essentially agreed that yes, words matter. I shared about how much more particular I am at work with how I communicate, since one poorly chosen word can derail a whole meeting. Malik talked about how he had adopted that way of communicating in his personal life as well.

And just like that, what had started as a tense conversation turned into a learning moment about our differences and how we’re friends despite those differences. It’s just a bonus that I also get a blog post out of it.