The Surprising Thing About Surprises

Maybe this isn’t the best way to tell a story, but I’m going to start with the punchline — the surprising thing about surprises is that there are people in this world who don’t like them. I discovered this a year ago when I took my mom on a surprise trip to Yosemite. All I told her was that we were going hiking and it might be cold/snowing. On the drive there we were listening to a Brene Brown book, and at some point Brown was talking about how some people don’t like surprises. My mom chimed in, “I’m one of them!” Which explained why she kept on asking where we were going (I refused to tell her until we arrived).

To be honest I still don’t buy it — after surveying a few friends, I concluded that people who don’t like surprises simply haven’t experienced a well-planned surprise. Either that or they were traumatized by a poorly-planned surprise, and believe they don’t like them, when in fact they just need good friends who know how to plan.

This is what happened to Cat, who was scarred by a good friend’s ill-conceived plan for Cat’s birthday. Apparently her friend thought it would be a good idea to surprise Cat for her birthday, but only late at night after leaving her alone for most of the day. Subsequently Cat is only okay with “limited scope” surprises — for example, she knows there’s a dinner with friends but she doesn’t know what type of restaurant it is.

Needless to say, I love surprises and surprising people. Last week I had an opportunity to plan such a surprise for Ash, a friend I met on the work volleyball court 5 years ago. I originally scheduled Ash’s birthday lunch with 2 other friends, but when neither of them could make it I reached out to one of Ash’s friends I had recently met. Victor was free, and suggested inviting two other friends. So I sent out a calendar invite, specified it was to be a surprise for Ash, and plans were set.

When Ash arrived at lunch he was really happy to see all of us, and exclaimed, “This is awesome! I love surprises, but usually I’m the one planning surprises for other people.” He went on to tell us how his dad intentionally ruined a surprise birthday party Ash’s friends were trying to plan for him, but only because his dad doesn’t like surprises and thought Ash would appreciate the heads-up. The saddest part was when Ash had to act surprised when his friends showed up for the party.

It is often said that it is more blessed to give than to receive. As we finished lunch Ash thanked us again, “So glad y’all made it out! It made my day, and reminded me how much I appreciate you all.” Which is funny because we were there to show our appreciation for his friendship. And that’s the thing about surprises — they bring joy not just to the person being surprised, but to everybody else as well. While some may not enjoy the unexpected, there’s something special about the anticipation of planning and executing a surprise that can bring people together and create lasting memories. So if you’re someone who loves surprises, keep surprising those around you. And if you’re not, maybe give it another chance and see if a well-planned surprise can change your mind.