The White Elephant Gift Dilemma

In high school I played clarinet in band for a few years, and we had a tradition of doing Secret Santa gift exchanges around Christmastime. I can’t remember what gift I bought the person I drew, but I do remember getting a bottle of Coke from the vending machine from my Secret Santa. I also remember feeling disappointed and hurt because it didn’t seem right. Maybe it was funny to my Secret Santa because he just laughed it off, but it wasn’t funny to me.

A few years ago at my work white elephant gift exchange, I got the worst gift ever — men’s size 8 rollerblades. When I complained to my coworker, she told me she stopped participating because she tries to bring something that people would want, and usually ends up with something nobody wants. I always knew that’s a potential risk of white elephant gift exchanges, but thought the risk would be lower at a work function since people are usually on their best behavior.

So when my friend Bob* told me last week he was bringing $25 worth of Top Ramen to his work white elephant gift exchange, let’s just say I had a bit of PTSD. Fundamentally I’m opposed to bringing junk gifts to white elephant gift exchanges unless it’s explicitly stated as such, and seeing as we’re not in college anymore, I think it’s reasonable to assume that not a lot of people would find Top Ramen desirable. What made it worse was the fact that Bob had told two of his friends what he was bringing, because “he didn’t want them to get it.” Little did they realize: neither did anyone else, although they all thought it was hilarious and acceptable to bring such a gift to a white elephant.

I told Bob all of this, and we had a lively discussion about why he was wrong and I was right. Bob argued that you shouldn’t have any expectations about what you get from a white elephant, and ok fair…as I have previously written, in general it’s better to let go of your expectations in life. Since white elephant gift exchanges are supposed to be a fun way for people to exchange inexpensive or funny gifts during the holidays, I understand that the emphasis is on the entertainment value rather than the actual value of the gifts.

On the other hand, there is a limit to how crappy entertaining the gifts should be. For example, it’s probably not ideal if everybody brought a gift like Top Ramen, because then you end up with a pile of entertaining gifts that nobody wants. This happened at a friend’s white elephant years ago, and people just left their junk gifts behind for the host to clean up or throw away. Then there’s the human element of somebody like me who tries to bring a desirable gift, and ends up with something they really don’t want. Or conversely, how it might feel to the recipient of Top Ramen if Bob actually walked away with the nicest gift from the exchange.

I have to add here that I like Bob, but we’re (obviously) very different people. He’s a really fun guy and much more of a jokester than me, so I know his intention is to inject some fun into a holiday tradition. Even though I would say that intention is usually more important than outcome, it’s also important to find a balance between humor and consideration in these traditions. As in, perhaps the essence of a successful white elephant lies not just in the humor of the moment but also in the consideration for others’ feelings.

Yes, it’s true that we shouldn’t expect nice gifts from these exchanges, but there is a fine line between humorous and genuinely unwanted presents. As we’re in the season of white elephant gift exchanges, perhaps we can all take a moment to consider the impact of our chosen gifts (maybe starting with: do I want this gift?). After all, the true joy of these traditions lies in the shared laughter and camaraderie, not in the disappointment left in the wake of a well-intentioned but poor received Top Ramen.

*Bob: not his real name