How I learned what gaslighting means

Last Thanksgiving I took my mom to Zion and Bryce National Park, and it was a great time. We were lucky with the weather as it only rained for part of one day, so we were able to experience the beauty of the parks in cold, but otherwise sunny conditions. As with any family trip we had some tension and friction along the way, but I’m grateful for the opportunity I had to explore new places and go hiking with my mom.

It was also the first time I got to stay at Autocamp, as there was a location right outside Zion. A friend had recommended it years ago when he went to Yosemite, and it’s been on my list ever since — it’s basically glamping in Airstream trailers, and I thought it would be a fun and novel experience.

A week before the stay, I got an e-mail from a “Guest Delight Guide” letting me know more details about what to expect, what to pack, and also their “local host-led programs.” Intrigued, I clicked on it and saw there was a free yoga class available, so I signed up.

I received no fewer than 3 separate reminders for the class (e-mail and text) in the week leading up to it, so imagine my surprise when I show up at the front desk to inquire where the yoga class was, only to be told, “Oh there’s no yoga today.”

Dumbfounded, I paused, and then said, “But I got a few reminders for the class….” and showed the receptionist the text I got from the night before.

“Yeah there’s no yoga,” she said again, barely making eye contact with me.

Am I crazy for thinking that this is terrible customer service? I thought. “Maybe it would be good not to send out reminders to classes if they’re not going to happen,” I said. 

“Yes, we’ll work on that,” came the robotic response.

Let’s just say I was a tad upset because I had arranged my day to attend this yoga class when I could have been hiking at Zion, and there wasn’t even a hint of an apology or acknowledgement that there was any kind of a screw-up. Funnily enough, my mom just let it roll off her back while I was still fuming inside while hiking. Later on that evening I wrote an e-mail to the “Guest Delight Guide” to let them know the yoga class was not very delightful, and requested a credit of some kind at their general store.

They were apologetic, but had to forward my concern to management to see what they could do to “make it right for me.” I still hadn’t heard back from management when I checked out a few days later, but by the time I landed back in San Jose I got a call from Autocamp to apologize for the experience and offer me a $40 refund to my credit card for the inconvenience (as a reminder the class was free, but my time is not). 

As I reflect on the highs and lows of that Thanksgiving trip, I find myself grateful not only for the breathtaking scenery but for the lessons learned along the way. The incident at Autocamp, a hiccup in an otherwise memorable adventure, served as a crash course in recognizing and understanding gaslighting — a term I had heard before but never fully grasped until faced with its subtle maneuvers. The $40 refund from Autocamp wasn’t just a resolution to a customer service faux pas; it was a validation of my experience and a reminder that, in the grand tapestry of life, standing up for one’s reality is an essential part of the journey.