2017 and the Fear of Man

A few months ago I went to watch the Stanford Men’s Volleyball team scrimmage against a Shandong team from China. At the end of the match there was a photo op of the two teams, and even though I wanted to go take a photo, I didn’t want to put myself out there and potentially look weird (why’s that guy taking a photo?). My friends who were there with me encouraged me to do it anyway, but I let the fear of man get to me and I just stayed where I was.

Afterwards I went up and started talking to the Chinese coaches, just to find out a little bit about the team and how their California tour has been so far. I almost didn’t, but I felt a special affinity for this Chinese team since my grandfather was from the same province. The Chinese coaches were friendly and open, and I even served as an interpreter for their tour guide in determining which fast food restaurant they would visit for dinner (I think they settled on McDonald’s). I almost asked if I could join them, but at that point the Stanford coach was starting to walk them to their shuttle, and I thought it would be awkward to follow them and ask if I could join them for dinner.

I’m reminded of an Old Testament story about King David dancing before the ark of the Lord (yes, the same one from Raiders of the Lost Ark), and his wife Michal scoffing at him for dancing “half-naked” (i.e. not wearing his royal robes) in full view of everyone. His response was epic: “It was before the Lord, who chose me…when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel – I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes” (2 Samuel 6:21-22).

The word “undignified” jumps out at me because I love how it connotes that King David didn’t care how he looked to others; he was doing the right thing, so who cares what anybody else thought?

As it is still January, I’ve been reflecting on my goals and resolutions for this year, and this came to mind: how often do I hold back on doing, saying, or asking for something because I’m afraid of what somebody will think? And ultimately, does it matter what that somebody will think?

While it’s probably impossible to live life without caring about what everybody thinks 100% of the time, it may not be a futile exercise to at least try. For me, it’s about recognizing the moments when the fear of man does creep in, and to press through the discomfort and just do/say/ask that one thing, even if it means I’ll become undignified or look weird to others.

Note: Below is the only picture I did manage to take at the scrimmage between Stanford Men’s Volleyball and the Shandong Youth Team from China. Also, apparently the Shandong youth weren’t fans of In-N-Out (blasphemy, I know).