Great Expectations

Even though it’s only been a little over a month, it feels like such a long time ago that I was enjoying a slice of heaven in Hawaii…just reminding myself that I have to go back sometime soon.

I’ve been thinking about a conversation I had with one of my Uber drivers while on vacation in Hawaii. She had been living in Oahu for a few years, and was telling me how it was her favorite (Hawaiian) island.

“Oh really?” I asked, a bit surprised. “Have you been to Maui?”

“Yeah, and I was really excited to visit since everybody told me how amazing it was. But it just wasn’t what I thought it would be, so I was a bit disappointed. Oahu is more beautiful in my opinion. I also had a chance to visit the Big Island, and that didn’t measure up to Oahu either. Flying into Kona felt like I was landing in some desolate place in the middle of nowhere, and you have to drive so far to get to places.” She paused, then continued, “I am excited about visiting Kauai though…everybody says it’s really beautiful so I’m looking forward to that.”

“Maybe you should set your expectations accordingly,” I said, making what I thought was an obvious statement.

“Well, other people set those expectations for me,” she replied, a bit defensively. “It’s not like I let that stop me from having a good time.”

“Sure,” I said, not wanting to risk my Uber rating.

To be honest I didn’t understand why she was defensive, because:

1. She shared two past examples of being disappointed by a Hawaiian island, and
2. She expressed excitement about a 3rd Hawaiian island

More importantly, though: aren’t we in control of our own expectations? Doesn’t it stand to reason that we should adjust our expectations accordingly if we’ve been disappointed in the past?

Later on in the trip, we rented a car to visit North Shore. We didn’t have an agenda but I knew that we had to visit Matsumoto’s, a world-famous shaved ice place that’s been on my list forever (it’s 4 stars on Yelp with >3500 reviews). While in line I said to Julie and JC, “I don’t think this place is going to live up to my expectations.”

Julie replied with a wry smile, “Who set those expectations for you?”

I reflexively said, “Yelp did!”

After hanging out for a bit Julie and JC decided to head back to Waikiki, while Nathan and I went to watch the sunset at Sunset Beach. I was super excited as it was the first sunset I was going to watch all week, and the interwebs had said it was going to be amazing. (As an aside, if there’s one thing I regret about my vacation, it’s that I didn’t watch enough sunsets.) The beach itself was nice enough, with palm trees and long stretches of untouched sand — you know, typical tropical paradise — but the sunset…well, I’ve seen better.

As we watched the surfers and the mediocre sunset, I couldn’t help but think about the conversation I had with the Uber driver. I knew that my expectations were of my own making, but wasn’t it “normal” to have high expectations of a sunset at Sunset Beach, in Hawaii no less?

When we turned to leave I said to Nathan, “Well, that was disappointing.”

He laughed, presumably because he didn’t realize that I had exacting standards for what a Hawaiian sunset should look like. “What do you mean? I thought it was great.”

“I mean, I just expected more…it just didn’t seem better than sunsets I’ve seen in California.”

“I think I just try not to have expectations of circumstances, other than that it’ll be different. It was nice to also just watch the surfers and see how they’re riding the waves out there.”

I was fascinated by what Nathan was saying, because it seemed so different to how I’ve operated in life. Also…doesn’t everyone have expectations of circumstances? Apparently for Nathan, not having expectations of circumstances is something he’s learned to do because he’s noticed he’s happier this way.

As for me, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about managing my expectations over the years, but mainly more of people than of circumstances: what’s reasonable versus unreasonable behavior, what are reasonable responses to unreasonable behavior, etc. When it comes to circumstances, though, I have a harder time not having expectations or not comparing them to the past.

I guess, though, that if we’re in control of my own expectations, then it’s something I should explore…especially if, like Nathan says, it means that I’ll be happier.

Alternatively, I can just be disappointed and then write a blog post about it.