“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

This past week I received an email with that subject title, and it made me think…how would my life be different if I lived without fear?

Of course, some amount of fear is healthy, and keeps us alive: you wouldn’t want to jump out of an airplane without a parachute, or go cliff diving without prior training / experience. We commonly refer to that kind of fear as “wisdom” or “being responsible.”

On the other hand, isn’t it also fear that keeps us in our comfort zones and stuck in situations that we would rather not be in? According to one study, Americans list public speaking as one of their top fears…even over death. These fears could either be things we need to overcome, or choose to ignore (with varying consequences). The e-mail I received went on to talk about a difficult conversation the author didn’t want to have with a close friend because he was afraid he was “going to sink the friendship.” It made me reflect not only on similar conversations I’ve avoided in the past, but also the role that fear has played in my life.

In thinking about this, I pulled together the following list of fears after doing some googling, asking a few friends, and including some of my own fears (can you identify which ones are mine below?) —

• Rejection
• Heights
• Loved ones dying / becoming seriously ill
• Covid
• Being misunderstood
• Being asked personal questions
• Being slowly pushed into a woodchipper
• Dying alone
• Dancing in public
• Not having enough money for retirement
• Missing out

The author of the e-mail concluded by saying that “life is too short to live in fear, especially after a year like 2021.” I would agree, especially since my word for 2022 is risk. I would also add that the other side of the fear coin is regret, which I often use to discern what’s the right path for me to take. Instead of asking myself what I would do if I weren’t afraid, I ask myself what decision will lead to the least regret.

I have a silly example to illustrate this point. Last November my friend Claire and I organized a get together to watch Dune at the movie theatre, which was a special occasion since, well, Covid. After the movie ended, we were walking out of the theatre when I asked the group, “Can we take a picture by the movie poster?”

If you know me, you know that I love taking photos, especially during special occasions. Sometimes I wonder if my friends are tired of it and don’t bother asking, and sometimes I don’t care and do it anyway. For some reason this time I was feeling a bit apprehensive — “are people sick and tired of me taking photos yet?” / “do people think I’m weird for always wanting to do this?” — but I knew I would regret it if I didn’t try.

Luckily people were agreeable, even though I heard Claire muttering to herself, “We can, but do we want to?” Still, she obliged, as did everybody else, and I left the theatre with no regrets, having taken another step towards overcoming my fear of annoying people because I’m always asking to take photos. I guess the good thing about this fear is that even if I did annoy my friends, at least I got a record of it.

Now I just need to figure out a way to record my progress on the rest of my fears in 2022.

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What fears do you have?